“I do not exist to build your ego with my pain.” ~ Roy McWilliams
“Withhold admiration from a narcissist and be disliked. Give it and be treated with indifference.” Mason Cooley
Narcissistic personality disorder is a mental disorder in which people have an inflated sense of their own importance, a deep need for admiration and an extreme preoccupation with themselves.
I’m writing about NPD because one of my college mates has it and It has affected my college life majorly. Very recently I came to know NPD existed and its a disease. My class mate who is a total bitch who has random crazy emotional outbursts and the way she would over react to everyday normal things all started making sense.
People with NPD are a big pain in the ass. They are very difficult people to be with. They can never be your true friends and they only think great of themselves. To them the rest of the world are losers.
They say this disorder occurs due to unknown reasons or due to parenting problems. My friend did have a screwed up childhood. The stories she would tells us about how her parents treated her were really cruel. I don’t know why any parent would handle their kid the way her parents did to her. Its not fair to any child.
A person with narcissistic personality disorder may:
- React to criticism with rage, shame, or humiliation – my friend if she gave any class presentation and if the reaction from the class wasn’t positive or if no one liked her ideas. She would get bugged and start insulting you there and there only.
- Take advantage of other people to achieve his or her own goals – she would take advantage like greatly. If she wanted to go to city center for only her work, she would take 2 other friends along who didn’t want to go. She would somehow convince them and just so that she wouldn’t have to pay taxi money alone and it would be split among 3 people. And all this just for her work.
But if v asked her to come to citycenter for our work and if she wasn’t in mood. She would make sure she wouldn’t go.
And if the whole class is going on a picnic and if she’s not in mood of going, she would screw up the plan somehow or start convincing people how sucky the place is and by other negative comments. Extremely Manipulative.
- Have excessive feelings of self-importance – she would think she was the best person in this world. Her other friends are stupid. Their comments are not valid. Make us feel inferior to her.
- Exaggerate achievements and talents – She exaggerates on marks, assignments, where she stays, money. Literally everything.
- Be preoccupied with fantasies of success, power, beauty, intelligence, or ideal love.
- Have unreasonable expectations of favorable treatment
- Need constant attention and admiration
- Disregard the feelings of others, and have little ability to feel empathy
- Have obsessive self-interest
- Pursue mainly selfish goals
These symptoms totally exist. Yes, it is a disease. First even I couldn’t believe it that such a personality disorder could exist. Now you must understand why I chose the above quote “I do not live to build your ego with my pain”, Because I truly use to feel like that with her friendship. I use to feel her very existence in my life use to be a pain. At one point I hated her so much and couldn’t take it anymore I use to want to punch her in the face every time she opened her mouth and ranted another one of her fake lies.
Being a narcisstic’s friend this is exactly how I would feel emotionally exhausted, I could never rely on her and would be constantly undermined by her. She was bloody hell toxic to my life. At one point we had given her a name called toxic friend. Or Frenemy. We use to hate her. Like how the world hated Saddam Hussain. Somewhere along the same hate lines.
But then the more I researched about it the more I found out that so many people in the world have someone in their life who is a narcisstic. It could be you, or one of your parents, or your siblings or a friend or co-worker. And It is not their fault really. I’m really thankful to god that my parents or siblings are not narcisstics, i cannot imagine living with one. We need to understand they have a problem and somehow be smarter and not fall into their trap of manipulating everything according to what they want. Though, im still finding for a proper solution to deal with it, there’s no solution really.
You could cut off ties, Confront him/her, Maintain your distance.
We other classmates are dealing with her by maintaining our distance. The more closer we get to her the more it hurts us only. We are talking to her but she’s not considered part of our group anymore. We don’t trust her, we don’t even trust her to go n photocopy something. And not even the most simple task of checking if movie tickets are available online. Because if she doesn’t want to go for the movie, she will lie and say tickets are not available. Because even though she doesn’t want to go, she also doesn’t want us to go. She can’t see other people having fun without her. Again Manipulative behaviour.
This was a very interesting article I found online – http://www.readme.ae/articles/friend-or-foe
Do take time and read it. It was the first article I came across which made me think im not the only one suffering from such a friendship.
i hope you never have such a friend or family member in your life because these friendships/realtionships I have learnt only makes u do things in life which u regret forever. If you do, you need to realise you are not the weird one they are. And you need to stand up for yourself and not take their shit no matter what role they play in your life.
Reference of symptoms – http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmedhealth/PMH0001930/